Frantiquities

Not Round Every Corner

•March 25, 2009 • 1 Comment

As a companion post to the Big Breakup Story, I offer these lyrics from OK Go‘s song Oh, Lately It’s So Quiet.

Oh, lately it’s so quiet
In this place
You’re not round every corner
Oh, lately it’s so quiet
In this place
So darling if you’re not here haunting me
I’m wondering

Whose house are you haunting tonight?
Whose sheets you twist
Whose face you kiss
Whose house are you haunting tonight?

I don’ think much about you
Anymore
You’re not on every whisper, oh
I don’t think much about you
But if you’re not lurking behind every curtain
I’m wondering…

Whose house are you haunting tonight?
Whose name you hiss
Whose clenching fists
Whose house are you haunting tonight?

Now, whose house are you haunting tonight?
Who can’t resist
Whose crying
Whose house are you haunting tonight?
Whose name you hiss
Whose sheets you twist
Whose house,
Are you haunting tonight?

It’s natural to go through a stage of wondering what a former lover is up to, but why torture yourself? It’s much healthier to move on and let them wonder what you are getting up to (and with whom) …

Posted in Dating Skills, GOAFTOW, Loss, Love, Oneitis

My Big Breakup Story

•March 11, 2009 • 1 Comment

I was chatting to a friend the other day about my Big Breakup story. Here it is:

me: I think the thing with me and my girlfriend isn’t universal

Its a lesson I had to learn, but not everyone needs to learn it

Friend: tell me about it?

me: Well its not too complicated

We met at University, and I really liked her She didn’t respond until several months later I hooked up with a different girl 🙂 then she wanted me.

So we got together, I forgot about the other girl, and we went out for 2.5 years, lived together for 1 year

Eventually I realised she wasn’t quite the right girl for me (long-term)

So I broke it off and moved out, but we got together casually about 2 weeks later – BIG mistake This was Uni holidays time

we kept doing it until Uni started again, and then she said it had to stop

I guess its that whole “you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone”

I was heartbroken

I got anxiety/panic attacks

It was pretty nasty

So I decided I had to sort myself out. The problem was I couldn’t see myself with another girl

I was sort of worried she was the only girl in the whole world and I’d lost her I was never a natural with girls and stuff

So I decided that was the problem – lack of confidence with girls – and I set out to change that And I did! I learnt a lot, and pushed myself to put myself out of my comfort zone, and I went on lots of dates with pretty cute girls

After several months I met my current girlfriend and we’ve been going out for just about 3 years now

Looking back, I needed to go through the whole thing to grow up and I’m glad it happened

if I had married my first girlfriend I would never have felt that amazing depth of feeling like that

Friend: And never know anything about women either

me: Thats definitely part of it. But the main thing I learned is that it isn’t about that woman, or women, whatever

Its about you, and what you believe you are capable of

Who you believe yourself to be

Heh I sound like a self-help book 🙂

Posted in DYD, GOAFTOW, Loss, Love, Relationship Skills

Coping

•September 5, 2007 • Comments Off

Cleaning my room this evening, I came across this poem I wrote on 25/4/07.

We hurt and ache inside
And we keep it in and act normal
I wonder if we’re all acting
Hiding our pain with distance and silence
When it’s so simple to reach out
Past the layers and masks
And hold another
To feel their pain and tell them yours
Even a stranger
I’ve done it
And it told me
We’re never alone
Others are hurting just the same
We’re all human
All flawed
Maybe we can get through anything
Together

Wolfcub

Posted in Loss, Love, Poems

Develop Crush …

•August 25, 2007 • Comments Off

The wussy mindset: A flowchart

Brilliant! Found on thefunniest.info.

Wolfcub

Posted in Dating Skills, DYD, Hookups, Loss, Love, Lust, Pics, Relationship Skills, Sex

Beauty (NSFW)

•August 17, 2007 • 5 Comments

I’ve been really horny lately. Even though I’ve been having amazing sex with my girlfriend, its too infrequent to satisfy me completely. Members of the male sex will know the completely paralysing shock that can run through our bodies on seeing a gorgeously feminine specimen. Here are two particularly striking beauties I’ve noticed recently (click for larger versions).

Wolfcub

Posted in Lust, Pics, Sex, Sexy

Mind Games?

•August 5, 2007 • 2 Comments

Romance is a spice, not a main dish

I was out having dinner and drinks with some friends in the weekend and got chatting with my lovely lady friend Megan whom I have known for some time. After commenting that she appeared very much in love with her long-term boyfriend, I told her how things are going with my girlfriend, including the slightly sappy story of how I sometimes randomly think of her and it strikes me that I really am in love with her.

Megan: “And do you tell her this?”

Me (smiling): “Sometimes.”

Megan: “Wolfcub! Don’t play mind games!”

… and she lectured me about not playing mind games for more than five minutes!

I agree that mind games in a relationship are a bad idea, but I think I know the difference between mind games and being confident and attractive (and not being clingy or wussy). If I informed my girlfriend every time she crossed my mind, I’d be txting her about ten-fifteen times a day. That’s the sort of thing a wussy, insecure guy might do.

When The Good Doctor exorcised his inner wussy, he wasn’t playing mind games. He was doing something much more serious. He was being dominant, powerful … and attractive. And his wife loved it, and their marriage is better for it.

My girlfriend loves me, and I love her back, and she knows it. But if her phone buzzed every half hour with “You are so beautiful” or “I love you so much” those messages would lose their meaning. And I would lose my power. There is a counter-intuitive phrase, give her the gift of missing you. Think about that. In this context, it’s about being secure in the knowledge that this woman is attracted to me, and not needing to bombard her with sappy romantic messages.

When those messages do get sent, though, they are more powerful for it. Romance is a spice, not a main dish – and as such it is best not to over-use it.

Posted in Dating Skills, Love, Oneitis, Rant, Relationship Skills

Lethal Frustration

•July 30, 2007 • Comments Off

This article in the Times Online is an interesting exploration of the frustration experienced by young men who are not successful with the opposite sex.

Cho is a classic example of “someone who felt he was a loser in the cruel social rat race”, Paglia says. The pervasive hook-up culture at college, where girls are prepared to sleep with boys they barely know or fancy, can be a source of seething resentment and alienation for those who are left out.

“Young women now seem to want to behave like men and have sex without commitment. The signals they are giving are very confusing, and rage and humiliation build up in boys who are spurned again and again.”

Suicide bombers and the Virginia Tech killer, Fukuyama suggests, “fall into the same demographic of young males, a lot of whom are unemployed, without a clear place in the social hierarchy. These guys have the most to gain and the least to lose by martyrdom”. And often, he adds, they are upset about girls “whose attention they can’t get”.The promiscuity that Cho saw in women was “a huge warning sign”, Paglia believes. “You want them, you want the status of being seen with them, you’re driven towards them and at the same time they are contaminated, they are dirty. That’s exactly the mentality of the stalker and assassin played by Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver. There is an apocalyptic impulse to destroy everything and to purify the world.”

We have got to get these guys laid …

Posted in Dating Skills, Loss, Relationship Skills, Sex

Raw Sexual Chemistry

•July 29, 2007 • Comments Off

Han Solo and Princess Leia – an intense attraction hidden under insults …

I believe that between men and women there is an instinctual chemistry which communicates sexual attraction. Until a man understands this ancient connection, he won’t make any progress with women. It is the raw sexual chemistry underneath the social ritual which he doesn’t understand.

Once he does understand it, and can communicate on that level with women, it doesn’t matter what he says; he will have success with women

I think that these men understand the social ritual – that you’re meant to show interest, ask a woman out, take her to dinner, kiss her, and then you get to have sex – but that’s actually the least important part of the process. It is the verbal sparring, the eye contact, the raw crackling attraction that fires up between two people … that’s what really matters in the interaction. This isn’t obvious to a lot of men. Men and magazines talk and joke about ‘pickup lines’ and ‘when to call’ – but never mention chemistry, eye contact, attitudes and verbal aspects of the interaction.

Part of the reason that these men fail to drum up chemistry with women is that they think they have to hide their sex drive. What a mistake! I think most women want a sexual man. Women never mention this – when pressed, they insist they want a sensitive, caring, intelligent man with a sense of humour – but if a man doesn’t turn her on, get her a little hot under the collar, any attraction will wane and she will lose interest.

What a woman describes what she is looking for in a man (sense of humour etc) she means what she wants in a man she is already attracted to. If the man who got her blood flowing also happened to be intelligent, caring and have a sense of humour, she’d be in heaven! And as far as ‘caring’ goes, I once heard a woman describe how she needed her ideal lover to be aggressive and mean to the outside world – but be sensitive and loving to her and their children. Now that’s food for thought.

Posted in Dating Skills, Relationship Skills, Sex